Online dating...
I have seen plenty of advice posted by men, for women about what to say in their profiles and what type of pictures to post. Some of them are very funny but I am here with a reality check.
It really doesn't matter.
If you are a woman - you will have no problem getting dates online. It doesn’t matter what you write – most of the time men don’t read it anyway. I don't know what the male/female ratio is but I am thinking it's the industry’s best-kept secret and judging by the fact that I have just been given my 4th free trial membership, these sites are hurtin' for women.
There is a funny guy on Jdate who has a profile called "Advice4Girls" He updates it monthly and I get a chuckle whenever I read it:
"Tired of being single? Maybe I can help. It’s been over a year since I joined Jdate and thought I'd share some male observations. Those of you have been with me from day one have heard me doing a lot of ranting and raving about the flaky girls on Jdate and offer some basic guidelines in acting like a considerate human being. Well, this time around I think I'll skip the psych 101 routine and just dive into some meaty observations about the profiles I've seen. Let's start from the top, shall we? Let's all take a nice, long, hard look at your pictures. Now look in the mirror. Do they match? Probably the #1 complaint people have is that that we're meeting folks who don't look like their pictures. There's nothing that sucks more than showing up all excited for your date and finding someone else waiting for you. Can we all pledge to put up an honest picture? This whole "once he meets me he’ll fall in love with my personality" stuff doesn't fly. Put up an honest pic and you'll actually meet people who dig the way you look. Believe me, I know what it's like to want to post that one pic from three years ago where you looked totally hot, but if that's not you on a daily basis, leave it in the drawer. Otherwise sure, you're going to reel in a lot of guys, but they're going to throw you back and that just leads to hurt feelings and wasted time. You may get fewer responses with an honest picture, but it's not about quantity, right? It's about the ones who you will truly be compatible with.”
Yeah, men never do this.
I wish there was an emoticon I could insert here to accurately express my reaction to this paragraph - one eyebrow raised and an eye roll...
Please.
This paragraph applies to both sexes. I have been on quite a few dates and only a handful have looked like their photos. Women don't bitch about it nearly as much because they have a much bigger pool to go back to. I have been disappointed, I have been pleasantly surprised, and I have fallen head-over-heels for people I had no initial attraction to. Bad dates are part of the process right? They provide comparison so that you can thoroughly appreciate how great the good ones are. Deception is a hazard of the online medium – let’s all get over it – I hardly think that going on a date with a fat person who has deceived you by posting a photo of Christy Brinkley is the worst thing in the world – it sure as hell gives you a funny story to tell – and life is all about collecting funny stories…
“Ladies… ‘Medium build’ and ‘Soft’ can mean many things, but ‘Firm and toned’ is pretty specific. It means, ‘Not overweight in any way shape or form.’ Jdate makes it nice and easy for us to leave out our actual weight, let's not abuse the privilege by fibbing with the handy 'vague' option, ok? Seriously, if someone puts 'firm and toned' and they turn out to be 'lardo' it should give you the right to just turn around and walk away from the date so either go to the gym or make your selection more accurate!"
Yeah, men never do this either...
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I put "Voluptuous" under body type. Nine out of ten guys that contact me open with the line "You don't look voluptuous/fat to me...you look great"
Yeah?
Thanks.
My profile clearly states under the heading "Perfect Match":
"A person that knows the definition of voluptuous is not: to be fat, so he doesn't have to ask."
This is not a trick.
I am not trying to catch you not actually reading my profile...
BUSTED!
I just don't want to date a guy who only looks at my pictures, body type and weight to decide if am worthy to drink coffee with him. I want to drink coffee with a guy who has bothered to read what I have bothered to write...maybe it's naive - but I have no shortage of responses - and no problem whittling the list down to a handful that took the time to find out something about me - or at least enough intelligence to know, or curiosity to look up the word voluptuous in the dictionary before contacting me. It is not my fault that other women use voluptuous when they mean fat. I don't want to date them either - they are the deceptive ones - not I.
Advice4Girls says,
“Oh ladies…First of all, maybe it's just me, but profiles that start out with 'hey guys' or 'hiya fellas' just sound a little impersonal. 'Us guys' already know we're competing for you, so you don't have to throw it in our faces. If a guy's opening line was 'hey ladies what's up' he would probably come across as a player, right? 'Nuff said. Another popular starter is 'I can't believe I'm doing this' or 'I finally broke down and joined.' Roughly translated that means 'I was above it for a long time but now I have finally stooped down to the same level as the rest of you losers.' Seriously, that's how it comes across. You have nothing to apologize for; this is the way everyone is meeting now! Anyone who makes fun of online daters just doesn't have the courage to do it themselves, so be proud you're joining and just get on with it. As far as talking about who you are, anything goes, there are definitely no rules, just have fun and be yourself. The only observation I have is that sometimes people seem to turn their essays into resumes or travel itineraries. Honestly, listing every country you've been to or every job you had isn't going to tell us anything about you and it might even make you sound like you're bragging. Saying you have a passion for traveling is more than enough. And while we're on the subject, pictures of people standing in front of the pyramids, Big Ben or playing with dolphins is just plain silly! Unless you are a dolphin trainer, that pic really doesn't tell us who you are and there's a good chance a pic of you in a wetsuit squinting into the sun isn't very flattering. The bottom line is don't try too hard to impress, just be yourself."
Yeah, I agree with all of this for the most part (other than his use of 'Nuff said’, which makes me cringe.) I think his whole diatribe would have been far more effective if he put it out there for women AND men…no?
Additional dating advice, just off the top of my head…
DO NOT post a topless photo. I am a sucker for abs but no matter how hot yours are – you look like a dick showing them off on line – especially on Jdate – what would your mother say?!?!?!
DO NOT post your income if you are not specifically looking for a gold digger. It’s tacky.
If you are balding, DO shave your head - DO NOT try to photo shop hair into your receding hairline. This may sound obvious but it happens frequently.
If you are looking for “marriage & children” DO NOT offer up naked photos in the first 3 minutes of an online chat and certainly DO NOT send them.
When you meet a girl’s family for the first time and her grandmother asks you,
“So? What would you like to do with your life?”
DO NOT answer,
“I want to be a great husband and father.”*
*Credit goes out to the fellow my friends and I now affectionately refer to as… The Rug Vomiter
Interestingly enough fully clothed, good-looking men seem to actually read profiles, shirtless men don’t even pretend to have read them, and men with photo shopped hair read just enough to come up with a snappy email that appears to show interest in something other than how your breasts look in your photos.
Back to where I began…I agree that people should post a profile that accurately represents who they are but the online medium allows people to be something a little different – to talk to people they would be too shy to approach at a bar, to brag a little about what makes them proud about themselves – sometimes being more real than they feel they can be in a social setting, more confident, etc. Whatever – we are all human AND we keep going back for more…
At least I do. Don’t know if I’m a glutton for punishment or just looking for new blog material…
It really doesn't matter.
If you are a woman - you will have no problem getting dates online. It doesn’t matter what you write – most of the time men don’t read it anyway. I don't know what the male/female ratio is but I am thinking it's the industry’s best-kept secret and judging by the fact that I have just been given my 4th free trial membership, these sites are hurtin' for women.
There is a funny guy on Jdate who has a profile called "Advice4Girls" He updates it monthly and I get a chuckle whenever I read it:
"Tired of being single? Maybe I can help. It’s been over a year since I joined Jdate and thought I'd share some male observations. Those of you have been with me from day one have heard me doing a lot of ranting and raving about the flaky girls on Jdate and offer some basic guidelines in acting like a considerate human being. Well, this time around I think I'll skip the psych 101 routine and just dive into some meaty observations about the profiles I've seen. Let's start from the top, shall we? Let's all take a nice, long, hard look at your pictures. Now look in the mirror. Do they match? Probably the #1 complaint people have is that that we're meeting folks who don't look like their pictures. There's nothing that sucks more than showing up all excited for your date and finding someone else waiting for you. Can we all pledge to put up an honest picture? This whole "once he meets me he’ll fall in love with my personality" stuff doesn't fly. Put up an honest pic and you'll actually meet people who dig the way you look. Believe me, I know what it's like to want to post that one pic from three years ago where you looked totally hot, but if that's not you on a daily basis, leave it in the drawer. Otherwise sure, you're going to reel in a lot of guys, but they're going to throw you back and that just leads to hurt feelings and wasted time. You may get fewer responses with an honest picture, but it's not about quantity, right? It's about the ones who you will truly be compatible with.”
Yeah, men never do this.
I wish there was an emoticon I could insert here to accurately express my reaction to this paragraph - one eyebrow raised and an eye roll...
Please.
This paragraph applies to both sexes. I have been on quite a few dates and only a handful have looked like their photos. Women don't bitch about it nearly as much because they have a much bigger pool to go back to. I have been disappointed, I have been pleasantly surprised, and I have fallen head-over-heels for people I had no initial attraction to. Bad dates are part of the process right? They provide comparison so that you can thoroughly appreciate how great the good ones are. Deception is a hazard of the online medium – let’s all get over it – I hardly think that going on a date with a fat person who has deceived you by posting a photo of Christy Brinkley is the worst thing in the world – it sure as hell gives you a funny story to tell – and life is all about collecting funny stories…
“Ladies… ‘Medium build’ and ‘Soft’ can mean many things, but ‘Firm and toned’ is pretty specific. It means, ‘Not overweight in any way shape or form.’ Jdate makes it nice and easy for us to leave out our actual weight, let's not abuse the privilege by fibbing with the handy 'vague' option, ok? Seriously, if someone puts 'firm and toned' and they turn out to be 'lardo' it should give you the right to just turn around and walk away from the date so either go to the gym or make your selection more accurate!"
Yeah, men never do this either...
This is one of my biggest pet peeves. I put "Voluptuous" under body type. Nine out of ten guys that contact me open with the line "You don't look voluptuous/fat to me...you look great"
Yeah?
Thanks.
My profile clearly states under the heading "Perfect Match":
"A person that knows the definition of voluptuous is not: to be fat, so he doesn't have to ask."
This is not a trick.
I am not trying to catch you not actually reading my profile...
BUSTED!
I just don't want to date a guy who only looks at my pictures, body type and weight to decide if am worthy to drink coffee with him. I want to drink coffee with a guy who has bothered to read what I have bothered to write...maybe it's naive - but I have no shortage of responses - and no problem whittling the list down to a handful that took the time to find out something about me - or at least enough intelligence to know, or curiosity to look up the word voluptuous in the dictionary before contacting me. It is not my fault that other women use voluptuous when they mean fat. I don't want to date them either - they are the deceptive ones - not I.
Advice4Girls says,
“Oh ladies…First of all, maybe it's just me, but profiles that start out with 'hey guys' or 'hiya fellas' just sound a little impersonal. 'Us guys' already know we're competing for you, so you don't have to throw it in our faces. If a guy's opening line was 'hey ladies what's up' he would probably come across as a player, right? 'Nuff said. Another popular starter is 'I can't believe I'm doing this' or 'I finally broke down and joined.' Roughly translated that means 'I was above it for a long time but now I have finally stooped down to the same level as the rest of you losers.' Seriously, that's how it comes across. You have nothing to apologize for; this is the way everyone is meeting now! Anyone who makes fun of online daters just doesn't have the courage to do it themselves, so be proud you're joining and just get on with it. As far as talking about who you are, anything goes, there are definitely no rules, just have fun and be yourself. The only observation I have is that sometimes people seem to turn their essays into resumes or travel itineraries. Honestly, listing every country you've been to or every job you had isn't going to tell us anything about you and it might even make you sound like you're bragging. Saying you have a passion for traveling is more than enough. And while we're on the subject, pictures of people standing in front of the pyramids, Big Ben or playing with dolphins is just plain silly! Unless you are a dolphin trainer, that pic really doesn't tell us who you are and there's a good chance a pic of you in a wetsuit squinting into the sun isn't very flattering. The bottom line is don't try too hard to impress, just be yourself."
Yeah, I agree with all of this for the most part (other than his use of 'Nuff said’, which makes me cringe.) I think his whole diatribe would have been far more effective if he put it out there for women AND men…no?
Additional dating advice, just off the top of my head…
DO NOT post a topless photo. I am a sucker for abs but no matter how hot yours are – you look like a dick showing them off on line – especially on Jdate – what would your mother say?!?!?!
DO NOT post your income if you are not specifically looking for a gold digger. It’s tacky.
If you are balding, DO shave your head - DO NOT try to photo shop hair into your receding hairline. This may sound obvious but it happens frequently.
If you are looking for “marriage & children” DO NOT offer up naked photos in the first 3 minutes of an online chat and certainly DO NOT send them.
When you meet a girl’s family for the first time and her grandmother asks you,
“So? What would you like to do with your life?”
DO NOT answer,
“I want to be a great husband and father.”*
*Credit goes out to the fellow my friends and I now affectionately refer to as… The Rug Vomiter
Interestingly enough fully clothed, good-looking men seem to actually read profiles, shirtless men don’t even pretend to have read them, and men with photo shopped hair read just enough to come up with a snappy email that appears to show interest in something other than how your breasts look in your photos.
Back to where I began…I agree that people should post a profile that accurately represents who they are but the online medium allows people to be something a little different – to talk to people they would be too shy to approach at a bar, to brag a little about what makes them proud about themselves – sometimes being more real than they feel they can be in a social setting, more confident, etc. Whatever – we are all human AND we keep going back for more…
At least I do. Don’t know if I’m a glutton for punishment or just looking for new blog material…
posted by Freckles at
9:37 AM
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